What is there to say?

While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil.  ~John Taylor

I am feeling very emotional today.  In addition to learning about the death ofour pastor on Sunday, I  learnt yesterday that there was someone else that I knew from years ago in the same car, who also did not make it out alive, and I am left reeling.

This loss has really left me overwhelmed with a feeling of futility.

Gone is another good man, with his life barely lived.  A man that had overcome all odds and survived a car accident years ago that he really shouldn’t have, who go up from his wheelchair when it was thought impossible and through it all kept a smile on his face and always had a kind word to say. He was kind, generous and a very talented blade smith. And now?


It seems silly that I should be so upset about someone that I had not seen nor spoken to for a very long time, I am not even part of that community any more.  But my heart is. Vey much so. And it hurts to see another loss. Alot.

My thoughts and prayers are with his family.

Rest in peace Werner.


The loss of a great man

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.  ~Kahlil Gibran

I have always believed that we meet certain people in our lives at specific time when there is something that we need to learn from them, and when that is done, the ‘relationship’ tends to wane (not in a bad, I-never-want-to-see-you kind of way, it just sorts of runs its course). It could be a simple lesson or something monumental, it doesn’t matter. There are a couple of people in my life that has taught me something that I needed to learn at the time. Sadly one of them passed away yesterday, and I am just overwhelmed with sadness today.

There are certain constants in life, love and loss being but one.  There was a time, almost 18 years ago, where the scales were tipped towards the former and seemed that it would never be righted again.  My sister had just passed away, with the memory of my father’s death scarcely erased from our minds, although it had been a number of years, grief does not tell time.  We were shattered, and barely hanging on by a thread. It all seemed so.pointless.  Forlorn and browbeaten, we could scarcely muster up the courage to answer the scores of mourners that trundled across our door, bringing food and condolences. Our family pastor really held us together at that time.  His words brought comfort where none was to be found. He helped.tipped.the.scales. He taught us that we are able to go on, even when we feel that we can’t.

Living in a farming community, everything revolves around the church.  All our social gatherings were there, the pastor and his family were much more than their title. They were family.

Yesterday we lost a member of that family.  Our pastor passed away unexpectedly, and the loss has left us reeling.

So today I am remembering a great man. A man that did not think twice to stop off his sermon mid-sentence to be a father, to tell his kids off when they did not keep quiet, or us too, for that matter.

I remember a man that was not afraid to stand up for those who could not do it themselves (myself included) and pay tribute to all the good that he has done in my life and everyone else that had the good fortune to have him cross their path at some time or another.

We will mourn your loss and hope that we may help carry your wife and sons that stayed behind, such as you helped carry us.

Rest in Peace Dr J Steenkamp.


Murphy’s Bitch

Feck I wish it would rain, then at least when someone sees me looking like someone threw up on my cornflakes this morning I can mumble something about it being the AWFUL weather.

If only…

Now it is sunny and I am supposed to be all happy and smiley, because that is what people do when it is sunny right?  Fuck off.

I am channelling my inner Bitch/Demon/Grinch/Ted Bundi and am well on my way to make a few enemies in the office.  <days like these I wish I had a subordinate that I could be mean to, just to make me feel better>

It is a good thing I am not Catholic, otherwise I would have had to do so many Hail Mary’s for all my murderous thoughts this week, I wouldn’t have finished until after my thirtieth birthday (Feck, another thing to be depressed about).

I am having a truly shite week.  The only good thing about this week is that it is almost over. Thank. Goodness.

This week started out with a flu, not mine, mind you, but my husband’s, that quickly became my son’s, which then became mine, my father in-law’s, my mother in-law’s and you get where I am going with this, right?

If the flu wasn’t enough, along with it, my son got a bit of pink eyes.   Have you ever tried putting eye cream into the eye of a toddler?

Typically, I think, it should be done under sedation, preferably mine. The tube is so tiny, that you really should be issued with some tweezers when they dispense it, then the moment you get the microscopic lid off, all the pink-eyes-fighting-goodness inside squirts out. At that point you are trying to find, restrain and prop open the eyelids of a screaming, flailing, kicking toddler. After what seems like hours struggle, but really it was only a minute or ten, I gave up.  There was cream just about everywhere, except for inside his eyes; the forehead is also part of the eye, right?

All of this fun and laughter culminated in call from my boss to crap on me from on high, granted it was in the wrong, but that still doesn’t make the call any more pleasant.

So today, having been excused <read fired> from my Florence Nightingale duties, I came back to the office for some well deserved silent treatment and a generous helping of some strained atmosphere.

I am starting to understand why some people keep hard liqour in their desk drawers.