On Saturday night I went to a good friend’s birthday dinner. While there, one of the other guests was really down in the dumps as a result of a break up. He had learnt that day, that his ex, with whom he is still very much in love, has started seeing someone else. A bitter pill to swallow, he was inconsolable.
We all tried cheering him up, and giving advice<all of which are really useless as only time can temper that particular wound>. One of the things he said, really got me thinking… He said that he cannot be happy without her. I am sure everyone has said that at some point and time after experiencing a break up, but to me it really hit home, and suddenly something sort of ‘clicked’ in my mind and I had an “ Ah-hah” moment.
My advice to him was: You cannot make your happiness someone else’s responsibility. It is simply too much pressure to place on any relationship, whether it be romantic or otherwise. You are the master of your own happiness.
I then realised that I have been doing the exact same thing. For long now I have been hovering between utter despair and rage at not having my happy ending, for things not turning out the way I want them too. Anger at my husband/son/father/mother/friends/whatever not being who I wanted him to be. When I realised that “hang on” maybe they are not the problem here? I need to take stock and decide what I need to make me happy and go and get it for myself.
I finally realised what my husband has been trying to tell me for all these years. It is not his responsibility. Yes, he plays a vital role, but he is not the main character, it is my life after all.
I cannot remember who it was (and Google has failed me) but someone once said that: Fortunate is the man/woman that can learn from another‘s mistakes and does not need to make them for himself/herself.
I have decided to make some changes for the better. I will no longer be a victim of myself and circumstances. I am freeing myself from those people in my life that bring me nothing but hurt and anger, and surrounding myself by those that I care for and care for me. Life is just too short to be at the mercy of those bad elements. Instead of asking why me/why not me. I am focussing on what I have got and making the most of it.