I have been so bogged down with depression that I scarcely have any memory of the past couple of months post birth. I have gone in to hiding, only existing.
Breathing because I have to, looking after the kids because I have to and not doing much else except sleep. That I can manage. Lots and lots of sleep.
So off I went to my GP to get a prescription that is okay to use while breastfeeding, hoping that it will sort of drag me out of this quagmire, only to find that I have lost a month. Seriously? A whole fecking month. Gone.
So it is back to the drawing board.
I have to decide what is more important. My mental health or feeding my son?
I am really proud of the fact that I managed to get the breastfeeding thing right this time around. It is my little life raft that makes me feel like I am not a complete failure as a mother. Call it my mantra if you will. So now what?
I think I will go sleep on it.