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Hello old friend

I am a horrible blogger.  Life just got so busy and in all honesty the things I was going through was not something I could put out there on the interwebs, because it wasn’t just mine to share. But now things are returning to some form of normalcy, well as normal as they can be in my house (read: head)

What a  rollercoaster year it has been since the last time I was on here. To start of with, we moved house.  We finally took the plunge and bought our own place.  Bliss! 

We have made news friends, some we lost, but time moves on and so must we.

We got a bit of a surprise in May…another set of little feet that can steal car keys and unpack my wallet in Pick and Pay trolleys. And this time, it is a GIRL! What a mind blowing prospect. From the time I found out I was expecting again (once the shock wore off). I was mentally preparing myself for another little boy, thinking, it is is okay, I have this raising boys thing down to an art form. We can do this.  Now? Well, now it is a whole different ball game.  

The biggest change of all is the fact that I (with my amazing husband’s support) have decided to quit my job and become a stay at home mom. Who would have thought.  

Me?

A stay at home mom? If you had suggested that to me 5 years ago I would have told you to stop drinking your bathwater.  But there it is.

In 12 days I am finishing my notice period and trading in the morning commute to town for the morning school run.

I am scared.  I am stressed. I am freaking out….just a little bit (okay maybe a lot).

What if I suck? Will I make it out alive…will the kids make it out alive?

Will one of them (or all), in 20 years time, lie on the couch in their Therapists office and pinpoint the time where it all ‘went wrong’ to the day I decided to stay home with them.

Only time will tell or perhaps the school psychologist.  But that is a problem for another day.

For now I will follow Douglas Adams’ advice…

-Don’t panic-

 

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’tis the season to be jolly

♫♫♪fallalalala♪♪♫la la la la

I don’t have a particular affinity for Christmas carols but today I am really feeling the festive mood and can be heard singing Jingle Bells under my breath.  It may be as a result of my ‘from me’ ‘to me’, a mexican bola, that is gently tinkling as I walk around reminding me of sleigh bells (not that I have ever been on a sleigh-that is on the bucket list) but I think more than anything it has to do with the national drop of week for Santa Shoebox project.

This is my favourite project and no matter how dire my financial situation is I always make a plan to pledge some boxes.  I confess I am a twelve year old in a  twenty something year old’s body.  I love Christmas and Easter and all those holidays.  I love the feeling of peace and happiness that seems to envelope everyone in a kind of bubble. Everyone is smiling and happy and I want to spread that feeling.

When I first heard of this project I was heartbroken.  I had never realised how many kids out there has never had a proper Christmas (Yes I do realise it is more about the message than the gifts, but still).  I have vowed to pledge a box for every family member and have been harrassing all my friends to join in too (which I am very proud to say they have done in abundance).  Even baby 2.0 has contributed to this year’s boxes.

I was shopping in Crazy Store on Tuesday for the last essentials for the boxes and was so amazed to find that all the people in the store at that time could be seen with a list of “what to pack”.  It was truly moving, inspiring and gratifying to see so many people from different walks of life just getting together to make this Christmas a special one for those kids that would normally not have it.  The festive spirit was tangible as we helped one another choose toys for our recipients.

So I am donning my elf hat tonight to pack the last things and tomorrow I will be santa, for at least an hour.  My only wish is that I would be able to see the kids faces when they open up their boxes, because for the past couple of months I have not only been a mother to one (and a half) but to 5 kids as I found myself wondering at every opportunity what would really bring joy to my ‘kids’ that can fit into a shoe box?

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Mother Nature

*this post may contain imagery that can put you off your breakfast/lunch/food for life*

Things I learnt from her in the past week…

  1. Kids will get sick when you are home alone;
  2. There is no birth control available on the market that is quite as effective as a sick toddler;
  3. Anything that said sick toddler ingests is increased exponentially when projectile vomited down the front of your sweater;
  4. Ponstel makes kids hyperactive ;
  5. Don’t watch the second episode of Law and Order, because said sick toddler will wake you up 6 times that night to make you pay;
  6. As with giving birth, vanity is thrown completely out the window and you can be seen taking a bath with said sick toddler in water with little chunks floating around;
  7. It is not good to be a sympathy vomited. It tends to get. Very. Messy.
  8. And last but not least, all this fun and games comes to an end just as ‘Daddy’ gets home.

Pffft. This blows. Chunks.

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Look what I found

I was rummaging through some drawers last night and came accross the artist’s proof that I had to send in when one my poems was published.

My DH once said that it was pretty grim and made him depressed…he wasn’t far off.  I was in a very dark place when I wrote this, and just reading it gives me cold chills, it was not a pretty place to be.  How does one describe depression to someone that has not lived it, to someone that has not felt it.

I like to think that this was a good attemtp at doing just that.

 

Running through a tunnel

Running through a tunnel,

a dark tunnel all alone

the tunnel is my mind

the tunnel is my soul…

running from my shadow

with no hope of ever escaping

searching for an open end

to feel life once more

drowning in the quicksand

that is my thoughts

no hope of an outcome

of the darkness that haunts me so

scared of something you cannot see

living in fear of the untouchable

no escape on this endless tunnel

the tunnel, I call my soul.

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I see stupid people…

…they are everywhere

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them stupider than that” George Carlin

case in point:

Textbook Double Double Darwin
2010 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin

Who would park the car on a busy freeway in heavy fog, for a quickie?That’s the whole picture: A young couple, driving along Via Dutra, the largest freeway in Brazil with tons of heavy traffic, at 6AM under heavy fog. The couple decided that this was the time to park (for “dating” according to the charming Google translation) and, yes, they parked on the freeway in the right-hand lane, not on the shoulder, the median, or at a gas station. Naturally, given time a cargo truck encountered a “speed bump,” instantly killing both — during the act of procreation — double-double Darwin Award! (2) people making (2) obviously bad decisions, and natural selection acts at the very moment the two are reproducing. Textbook!